Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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