I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize