This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
