porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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