I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
