youre lurking in front of me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
