You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
