I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
