be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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