That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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