I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
