I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
