please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
