I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
handjob tips. give me some.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
