she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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