Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
