I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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