Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
PS: I just woke up from my shower
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
