we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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