I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
