the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
