i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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