You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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