I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
home. puking in laundry basket.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
