oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
