her vagine was all disorganized.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
