I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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