ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
