he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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