I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
