wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
