you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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