Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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