I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize