he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
