i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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