eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will pee on everything he values.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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