It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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