And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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