Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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