Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
