Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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