she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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