Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Walk of Shame today included voting.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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