Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
