I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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