He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's get the cat blown out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
