I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
