Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
