had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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