He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
