so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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