WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
