Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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