I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
