What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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