fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
