We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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