To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
