why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize