I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
