Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
