I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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