highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
