I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
