i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
