there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
