The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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