Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
