the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
