My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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