I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you never un-have a 4some
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
